Red Light

7700 Biscayne Boulevard

Miami, FL 33138

(305) 757-7773

www.redlightmiami.com

What we ordered: spicy red bean soup with guajillo sour cream, citrus growers dream salad (orange-grapefruit, toasted pecans and crumbled goat cheese), spice rubbed-river smoked ribs & apple slaw, an apple wood, bacon-fontina grill cheese sandwich, mac & cheese, and steamed veggies.

The Omnivore:

I labored for two days trying to write about this place. Why did I enjoy that night even though we had to sit at the bar for dinner, ordered bad drinks we sipped for an hour before we had our first bite of food, and got served often disappointing courses. I scrapped my nearly finished post to hopefully write a deeper impression. Stepping inside, it was as if we were meeting at that joint we had gone to for years for a casual drink and a meal, though we had never been there before. It doesn't look new or trendy, the music is loud, and the kitchen smokey and crowded. Hungry and expectant, we looked excitedly at the menu and began to discuss our choices. We ate for two-and-a-half hours because everything takes a while to get to you. First came a salad that was o.k. and the soup which was tasteless and cold. But after a few grumbles of disappointments, I realized I didn't really mind. Between courses we struck up conversations with those seating around us at the bar, commented on almost every song from an amazing soundtrack that played everyone from Dolly Parton to bebe and Bob Marley, and gazed at the open kitchen wondering whose labor of love this was. Then came the tastiest ribs I have ever had: perfectly smokey and sweet, I allowed only one rib to escape to one of my hungry companions. I wasted little time on anything else but for that grilled cheese sandwich. Dam that was good! Two slices of chunky bread with melted cheese and bacon. I ate and ate... and ate. I felt quite the glutton among my more descent companions who were sharing this meal. Then we lost it with dessert. Pictured above is the wonderful memory of a hot peach cobbler with ice-cream just before its demise. Confident of the chef's baking skills, we ordered chocolate cake. It did not disappoint. As I walked out slightly embarrassed at the amount of food I had consumed, thoughts of friends that would enjoy this place for one reason or another came to mind. For now, I could not share it with the one I most wanted to, but with those I was supposed to.

What else you need to know?: Don't drive by too fast or you'll miss it. Parking is valet only at $5. Seating IS limited inside to booths, bar, or a few tables outside by the canal...I mean river. The full but "humble" bar, serves a nice assortment of Caribbean beers and specialty drinks. The menu changes often... every couple of days according to the bartender.

Why go?: Good food, good price, great atmosphere. Besides, where else are you going to find a New York Times lauded restaurant housed in a motel next to a canal (excuse me, river) and a strip joint.

The Vegetarian:

"Spit it out! It has bacon!" That was my first bite at Red Light. Ah, the life of the vegetarian foodie....The bartender assured us the spicy red bean soup was vegetarian and made without chicken broth but she neglected to mention it had bacon. There went one of the three dishes I could eat. Slightly traumatized I moved on to my next option, the Citrus Grower's Dream salad. I imagined something very different when we ordered it, like, I don't know, lots of citrus. I guess I shouldn't have presumed to know what citrus growers dream of. Based on this salad, their dreams are made of little arugula leaves. Maybe I misunderstood and this was an ironic commentary on the recent cold front that destroyed Florida's citrus trees leaving the growers to dream of other crops while rationing out what little citrus they could salvage. Anyway, the salad was certainly fresh and tasty but it was nothing like what I expected. I moved on to my third dish - the home potatoes. These reminded me of the meat and potato hash my mom used to make (a long time ago, when I still ate meat). She would cut up leftover meat (steak, I think) and potatoes into perfect little cubes and fry them in a skillet. These looked just like her potatoes. The touch of rosemary was nice and subtle but the potatoes were a little oily. I was still hungry and I was determined to find at least one dish that would justify Frank Bruni's description of Red Light as "a modest restaurant of immodest pleasures". While my omnivore friends were eating pork in various formations, I ordered the steamed vegetables (boring, I know....) and the mac and cheese. The asparagus was perfect - thin, fresh, and crunchy. The mac and cheese was good but not cheesy enough.

I was finally full although not exactly satisfied. That is, until the blueberry and peach cobbler arrived. All I can say is, that thing was gone in less than three minutes (we have witnesses). So, to sum it up: If you like pork and dessert, prefer wine and beer to cocktails [unless your idea of a margarita is tequila and (very) sour mix], and don't mind spending two and a half hours eating, this is the place for you. If you are a vegetarian, do what I refused to do and ask the server to allow the chef to whip up a vegetarian dish for you; maybe you'll have better luck than I did.

Why go?

- The menu changes everyday so you never know what you'll get; that's kind of exciting

- To chat with fellow diners at the bar

- To play 'I Spy' a manatee while waiting for your turn at the restroom

- Dessert